‘Universal language may refer to a hypothetical or historical language spoken and understood by all or most of the world’s population. In some contexts, it refers to a means of communication said to be understood by all living things, beings, and objects alike’.
Mathematics is often viewed as a universal language. Regardless of culture or religion, the numerical results are the same. Pi is Pi, wherever you are.
Music heard through a vast assortment of devices, all over the globe, is a universal language. I am very passionate about this one. Worldwide tours, people of all nations singing and dancing together as one. Music crosses lines and breaks barriers every single day. Beautiful.
Love, another wonderful example, of a universal language. So many words to choose. So many languages to use. So many acts and ways to show and prove one thing…love.
As we all become part of a multicultural society; families are uniquely blended and become more and more diverse. We adapt, we accept, we love.
I am part of a blended and multicultural family. We live effortlessly in each other’s lives. My Uncle and cousins are based in Holland. They speak Dutch and some of them speak English too. I am married to a South African. He and his family speak Afrikaans and English. My husband’s family, are a wonderful example of multicultural. They are well travelled and many English and American men and women, have joined their family, in love and marriage over the last two decades. They are scattered across the globe but through Facebook, Skype and WhatsApp, we bridge the gap and just chat. Friends from both, South African and English backgrounds, have merged and an awesome support network has formed. Up until recently, I thought it was all going great…
In the last month, I have received indirect advice, as to how I can improve my current full time mum status.
- “SHE can work from home!”
- “SHE can get a job!”
Fair point. There was me happily sponging off my husband and generally being a lazy bastard!
My husband and I, have also been advised, we are not acting in our daughter’s best interests. Our daughter is two and only speaks English. Due to this we are:
- ‘Denying our daughter her heritage’
- ‘Denying her the chance to be bilingual’
- ‘Denying her future job opportunities’
- ‘Denying her the chance to explore other cultures’
Our choice to only teach her English was made easy, by the fact that I’m the stay at home mum and that’s the only language I know. No malice. Just fact. My husband often points this out but in the end:
- ‘It’s got nothing to do with HER’
- ‘Your daughter is your priority, not HER’
Another good point. HER is me, you know, the lazy bastard from before.
There has been a lot of SHE and HER going around. Has been for months. Should I be prepared to be addressed as IT next?
Despite my flippant account, I am heartbroken. Humiliated. Feeling lower than dirt. After feeling inadequate as a mother for so long and feeling like a foreigner, in my own life for years; I thought I had finally broken ground. I thought I was finally accepted and loved for me. That now appears to be inaccurate. They were just waiting for me to fall in line.
I guess I should admire their candor. I am a jobless, selfish mother, that is deliberately shutting out my husband’s heritage!
Am I the only, non Afrikaans speaking, English person within our Family and Friends? No. The only, non Afrikaans speaking, wife and mother? No. The only person dragged into the dirt as being wrong? Yes.
My husband and I, alongside our respective families, made the decision to raise our daughter speaking English. We discussed at length about her learning Afrikaans. We debated the benefit of it. English is the third most popular language in the world. Afrikaans is the third most spoken language in South Africa. The maths was really simple at this point. Coupled with my husband’s parents, brother, sister and children all living in the UK – they have all built a new life here in England. With no family to go back for, my husband has visited his homeland, once in 20 years. My mother in law reassured me that there were, very little employment opportunities, gained by having Afrikaans as an additional language. Weighing up the effort to learn it, against the benefit of having it – a decision was made. That said. At NO POINT, in any of these conversations, was the outright forbidding of any cultural transference to my daughter discussed. I am actually a pretty decent person.
Over 10 years ago, I met a wonderful man. A proud South African and a passionate Christian. I am neither of those things. That man is now my father in law. If anyone was going to be disappointed, in my alleged selfish parenting, it was going to be him. If I could handle a public bollocking, I could handle this conversation.
My South African Dad and I sat down together last week. He held my hand as I told him everything. He closed his eyes and I waited for another dose of parenting advice..
He told me that 18 years previous, he was very adamant, that his children and grandchildren spoke Afrikaans. An opinion he no longer has. He was very honest about the change in his style and with the passing of time, the blessing of further grandchildren, and more experience of family life in the UK – He is at peace with whatever his family decide. Out of 4 grandchildren, only 1 speaks Afrikaans. No force, guilt or punishment is applied. We are a family, growing, learning, appreciating and just being together. He wanted to apologise for what was said. He was upset that I had come under fire about such matters. He believes strongly, that my husband and I, have made the right call. He also told me, that if I ever went to South Africa, I would probably receive the same comments. It’s a contentious issue but an individual one. A blanket one-size-fits-all world order, is not appropriate. He told me he loved me and our choices and that my daughter, was a wonderful testament, to our dedicated parenting.
So now what.
Am I in a multicultural family? Am I just the English girl they tolerate, while wishing I was more like them? If I learn a new language and teach it to my child, will my multicultural friends and family love me more? Like me more? Respect me more? Does my husband regret marrying me? Does he wish I was a South African girl, that was easier to integrate into his friends and family?
Maybe I should stay away from everyone, until I have a job and speak Afrikaans. I could be a mummy during the day, work in the evening and focus on my second language of a weekend? That way I am still a full time mummy, I am financially contributing and I will be spoken to, not talked about at social events. Sounds like a winner.
2018 has been a very revealing year for me. Both my English and South African family and friends, have definitely provided me, with clarity as to where I rank in the scheme of things. I have been universally put in my place.
On the positive. From rock bottom – the only way is up.
To my Darling Daughter.
I will never deny you anything. I can’t teach you, what I don’t know. I have never and will never, stop your Daddy and his family, from immersing you in your heritage. You were given to me, in love, by your South African Daddy. As your English Mummy, I will speak to you and show you the world, with that same love.
Love is universal. Love is you. Love is me. Love is us. The world is yours.