‘I figured I’d have, like, time alone with my thoughts, but, you know, it turns out I don’t have as many thoughts as you’d think.’- Joey Tribbiani (Matt LeBlanc – Friends)
I have a day off! A day off! No plans, no daughter to look after, nothing. Nothing!
I dropped my girl at Nursery and my much needed time out was here. So why am I flapping? I’m a control freak, even time off needs a plan. Shall I go for a coffee, a walk, shopping, watch a movie, read a book, have a bath, paint my toenails, hey I could just go back to bed!
Did I do any of that?…no. Something accompanied me, on my way back from the nursery – Guilt. The need to effective and highly functional, with this precious time. I carried out really gripping stuff like: order prescriptions, book appointments, laundry, sorting wardrobes and put together a charity bag full of clothes. I drank a coffee, that was hot. The TV was off, not a single cartoon graced the screen. I sorted through my handbag, wow – I carry a lot of crap! Shredded lots of old receipts and junk mail. Rearranged the magnets on my fridge. I had a chat, with myself. I was being productive.
The weather was awful, non stop rain. No one called or messaged me but I was in the zone. I was doing, what my Dad calls, pottering. I was alone and perfectly happy. All the things that I needed to do, only took up the morning. I took breaks. I took my own sweet time. So this is why people bang on, about the importance of time to yourself. It’s quite therapeutic. I have always felt the need, to fill any spare time, with other things. Sometimes those gaps are filled by other people or necessary demands but what if, right this very second – there are no other people or necessary demands…
I’m not scrolling through my social media. Not chatting to family or friends about their issues. My husband isn’t home, chiming in from his high horse, about wasting water, his task list or what I should or should not have done or said. It’s peaceful and so I am.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have all my issues and stress. There has been no monumental shift in my life. No improvement in my social or financial status. I have another delightful colonoscopy next week, my garden looks like a building site and today; I received a rather expensive parking fine. I can honestly say, in this very moment, I don’t give a shit. Is this the power of a day off?
Outstanding!
After lunch, I’m relaxed. I’m also getting very bored. No one to call or speak to. No place to go or money to spend when I get there. I have thought about everything. Discussed it thoroughly with myself. Damn. I am visualising tumbleweed, rolling around in my head. I think I will pick up my daughter a little earlier today. I miss her…
As my girl runs toward me, all smiles and giggles, I am excited to hear about her day. She tells me what she has been up to and we practice more new words, all the way home in the car. I unpack her things, fix her a snack and we dive straight into the toys. She wants to build a tower, sounds great to me!
Turns out that being alone with my thoughts, is really rather dull. I didn’t have that lightning bolt moment, that surge of creativity or the epiphany that would change the course of my life. I had a sandwich and fannied about.
Maybe time off is a skill, that just needs to be mastered. I have happily, invested time and effort, in chocolate and wine absorption – I am great at that. I think this Me Time lark, deserves another run at it.
Until next time.