‘Your situation is not your destination’
I am clinging to this mantra quite a bit, at the moment. Reminding myself, that whatever this period of time is, it’s just a season in my life and it will pass.
A plateau. A rut. Whatever you call it, I am neck-deep in it. I hate routine, always have done. The day to day grind, the same old, same old – it is depressing.
My husband works long hours and when he’s not working, he is studying. His exam is in December, so I am basically an IT widow, for the next 3 months. We are also on a massive cost cutting initiative. His exams and materials, are very expensive so our savings have taken a hit. We are very much speculating, in the hope of accumulating here. The benefits to his career and future earning potential, out way any short term inconvenience.
Anything non essential, frivolous or unnecessary is off the table. We are back to basics. No excessive petrol use, treats, takeaways, date nights or days out. Grocery shopping must be kept to a strict budget. It goes on…
My husband’s routine consists of work, study time, meal breaks and sleep. My routine is somewhat different. My days are long and must be filled with activity and positivity, in equal measure. With our new budget cuts, limiting petrol use and removing any allowances, for treats or paid activities – my ability to keep our toddler entertained, for 12 hours a day, is challenging.
My girl is perfectly happy. Playing in the garden or local park. Playing with her musical instruments, building blocks, dolls and crayons. We play with her stickers, her dolls house and play hide and seek. I take breaks from playing, to do the washing, housework and cooking. I have not driven my car for nearly a week. My Monday to Friday, has become my 7- day existence. It’s all the same old routine. Lonely cabin fever has set in.
My 40th birthday celebrations, have also made the chopping block. My husband said; I can do what I want, as long as it’s free. He said I could go away for the weekend, as long as he is not expected to put any money towards it. Romantic.
‘The benefits to his career and future earning potential out way any short term inconvenience’.
Oh how I wish that fact made this current situation better. The here and now. The every day. This year has and continues to be challenging. I need to remember that this is a small part of my journey.
‘Your situation is not your destination’
Besides death, I wonder what my destination is? Whatever my destination, I will be at least 40 when I get there. So in the year, that my life should technically begin, I want to aim high. To be honest, just being higher than this would be progress!