I do love a good wedding. Having had two of my own, I feel I know what I’m talking about.
Wedding planning, is the period of crazy, that occurs between the romantic proposal and the vows. Where romance is second to logistics and passion is second to politics. It’s such a magical time.
As the bride, you may or may not, have an idea of what you want. You will however, know what you don’t want. Certain people that will never be invited. Certain venues that will never make the cut. Photos and music, that will absolutely not, feature in your special day. It’s how we operate. Compromise is a bitch. It may show maturity and growth but it also has the capacity, to crap all over your beautifully choreographed plans. Weddings bring out the worst in some folk. The guilt trips, the stroppy tantrums and the strange sense of entitlement, people seem to get when they forget whose day it actually is.
I’ve always pictured getting married on a beach. Simple dress. Flowers in my hair. My husband in a white shirt and shorts. Close friends and family around us. Relaxed.
I’ve never done that. The expectation of how your wedding needs to be, to accommodate the desires of your family, is put to you early on. The guest list grows to include partners, dates and extended family members. Some of which, don’t even know the man your marrying. However, the upset would be too much to bear, if they were omitted from the list. The friends – If you invite some, you have to invite them all. Or maybe there is a feud in your tribe and you can’t invite someone because others will not show up. Endless drama.
At my second wedding, I actually had virtual strangers attend. People who had helped with transport on the day, cashed in their favour chip for an invite. Pressure was then applied indirectly with ‘they have gone out of their way’ or ‘they have saved you more money, than it would cost for them to attend’ and the trump card – ‘It would be a nice gesture of thanks on your part’. Friends of parents and their respective children also made the cut.
You always start strong – it’s your day. If people don’t like it or are not included, in the capacity of their choosing, they can do it differently at their own wedding!!
What starts out as an intimate affair, becomes 50 – 75 people, just to the ceremony. There is another 75 – 100+ people joining you, for the evening soiree. The beach becomes a distant memory as you begin to look at Churches, stately homes and hotels, that will be big enough to accommodate all your guests. The meal or Wedding Breakfast is usually a very costly affair. Drinks packages, which include arrival drinks and drinks for the table, are another addition. Don’t forget the buffet, for the evening guests, that will be joining you later! It’s only at this point, you realise the financial implication, of being a people pleaser.
At my second wedding, I even had one guest, offering to pay for her children and friend to go. Who does that? We were trying to keep numbers down and the costs low. With the additional benefit, of being able to look around the room and know everyone. This is a wedding. You invite your nearest, dearest and best ones to it. Not a friend of our parents’ friend, who let us, use their car on the day. What next? Invite the shagging chef to sit at the top table! Afterall, he did prepare the meal!! Ridiculous! Moving on…you all know what did? I kept the peace.
So…family, friends and a few randoms, share your day. Off to the evening reception, where the free bar, faff over corkage and buffett is up next. Couples first dance, DJ set lists and general merriment ends the day.
Everyone had a great time. There were a few hiccups, things that could have been better. Weather threw you a curveball. The photographer didn’t get all the shots you wanted. You have no idea where anything is. It’s all good. This is the first day of the rest of your life together. Who even thinks about all the little things that went wrong, now it’s all done?
The Bride!
I didn’t know those people. Why did I agree to that? I should have had a PA system. I should have arranged a smaller buffett. Definitely needed more Prosecco. I brought umbrellas – why didn’t I use them?. Why did I not get a picture of everyone at the wedding? I should have relaxed more. I should have asked the photographer to stay longer. Why did I stress about the weather? So what, it rained.
On reflection , I should have gone abroad and got married on a beach. Small intimate ceremony, a few family and friends, simple attire, warm breeze, sunset…just how I imagined it.
I should have remembered…
It’s your day. Start strong. Stay strong.