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Knowledge is Power

Parenting books are a real treat at times. 

At the end of a typical day, I’m tired, frazzled and my hygiene is not exactly couth.  I make peace, with the status quo, of my situation and try to appreciate the small pleasures.

Recently my husband decided, that we would benefit, from a parenting book.  He acknowledged we were good parents but wanted us to be great parents!!

I smiled, while privately acknowledging, that his idea was utter crap.  I am one to pick my battles so we proceed straight to the text.  Afterall, he had already selected and purchased our reading material.  Who am I to clip a mans wings!

As with all guides of this nature, the first 10 pages, are usually the promises.  What you will gain and be able to do. How using the tools provided in this literary masterpiece,  will enable you and your children to live, learn and love in sweet harmony!

Complete drivel

The rows have begun already.   The differences in our parenting techniques, are once again, thrown into the spotlight.  

I shout at our daughter, when I feel it’s appropriate.  I am with her 24/7.  It happens.  My husband countered with ‘Do you hear me shout?’.  The temptation to clarify, the ratio of time, he spends actually parenting was too much to bear.  I stated that perhaps he should be present more.  He simply requested, that I get a job and earn the money so he can do that.   This is going to end badly…

Time outs, deep breaths and anger management were up next.  In one paragraph, the child was simply acting like a child, that could not comprehend their ‘big’ feelings.  In another paragraph, this same child, was able to identify a parent’s anger management techniques and learn from them.

I’m confused.  One moment we have a lost young child, unable to process their feelings.  The next we have a genius, that will watch their mother, count back from 10 and proceed to do the same – okay then!  My questions about this book and its mixed messages, were not well received.  My husband saw them as a personal attack.

Reward sticker charts and learning not to shout followed.  The reward charts were for the child, to hold the parent accountable, for their actions over a period of time.  I’m not a fan of reward charts, regardless of who is being assessed.  When I spoke to my husband about this, his defenses were up immediately.  ‘So you don’t want to be held accountable?!’

This was not going well.  

As a parent, accountability is built in.  I’m accountable everyday.  I’m just not going to be scored by a 2 year old.  Likewise, I won’t be scoring her either! Husband kept reading, as I frantically racked my brain, trying to figure out how I was becoming the bad guy here.  I was lost in my own thought process, when a sentence poked my rage bear!

According to this book, when an adult shouts at their child, it represents an unresolved issue in the parents childhood.  Maybe the parent was shouted at.  Maybe this, maybe that…

So let me get this straight.  I ask my daughter calmly, twice, to stop playing by a hot radiator.  I follow that with a toy distraction and I physically move her away from the danger.  When this doesn’t work and she returns to the danger, I raise my voice.  No drama.  No sordid family history, I simply don’t want my child to burn herself.  I am the same with cookers, open windows and pretty much every hazard I come across.  Until this book, I felt pretty normal.

More arguments ensued and before I knew it, I was writing affirmations on my fridge to remind me to be more respectful!!

Where the hell is my respect?  

So it’s all going pear shaped.  Calm and repetition has not worked.  Distraction has failed.  Physically moving my child away from the risk, has made her believe its a game.  I’m at the point of reaching for my Mummy voice.  This is where the books’ technique comes in…

I’m shutting my mouth, to ensure I don’t speak to my daughter in anger – I am to go to my happy place.  While I’m there, take 10 deep breaths.  I am to re-engage with her later.  I’m sure when the paramedics show up, they will be so proud to hear I used my indoor voice at all times.

Good grief!

Parenting books are great, for the most part.  I have read lots and enjoyed many.  Keep reading and learning fellow parents.

Knowledge is still power but shite is still shite.

 

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