My toddler and I, had our first swimming lesson last week. I was so nervous, I couldn’t even eat. I felt fat. I was certain the other mums would be horrible. My kid would hate it and kick off and I would end up humiliated…
We arrived. We stripped. We suited up. We waited.
I looked like everyone else, to my great relief. My girl looked cute and she was so excited. Happy chit chat was plentiful as we gathered by the pool. This was a great start!
My daughter was in my arms, as we entered the pool. Our instructor was lovely. The three other children and their respective parents, were so friendly. I couldn’t believe it. I had nothing to worry about!
My girl loved the water. We played games, sang songs and practiced basic swimming techniques. I was so proud, when she was happy to be dunked underwater. There were a few seconds of panic and uncertainty from her but all in all – it was a beautiful experience. I couldn’t wait to come back next week. My daughter smiled and giggled in my arms. This was wonderful.
We all sang and danced, to the goodbye song and began to exit the pool. The Instructor spent a few moments, with me and my girl, giving us positive feedback. I stepped out of the pool and with babe in arms, reached for our towels….
Holy shit!
The screaming started, before I had chance, to lay my hands on the towel. The crying and stamping came next. Any attempted to talk to her, cuddle her or even dry her, were met with screams and arms flailing about. I carried her out of the pool area, kicking and screaming, to the nearest changing cubicle.
The changing room was full of parents and toddlers but the only child you could hear was mine. Still stamping, still screaming, she didn’t want to get out. I removed her wet clothes and dried her, dodging her punches as best I could. Nappy on, vest buttoned, I reached for her T-shirt. The first slap around the face I received, made my eyes water. I pushed through. The second slap, knocked my glasses flying across the changing room floor. My little lass was getting very angry.
I laid her down and tried to calm her once again. I explained about other children, needing their turn. Told her the importance of sharing. Reassured her, we would be back next week. She was hysterical. I couldn’t get near her. I asked her to calm down. Begged her to be quiet. She kicked and screamed more. It was horrific. I tried to hold back my own tears, as I tried to dress her. I had lost all hope, when a woman’s voice called out to me.
“Do you need some help in there hun?”
I pulled the curtain open, it was one of the mums from our class. She insisted I took a break and offered to finish getting my girl dressed. As I left the cubicle, I just broke down. I have one job and in that moment, I couldn’t even do that! I couldn’t calm her, dress her. Why was she being so naughty? I had worked so hard, to give her this opportunity and I’m now a mess, in very public changing room.
Within minutes, two other mums were at my side, with tissues, hugs and reassurances. They had all been where I am now. So this is what people have been telling me about. The support and love instantly surrounding you. The kindness of strangers. The hugs of fellow mums, sharing their experience and compassion, in equal measure. It exists. The Mummy Tribe.
It took 3 of us, to put my screaming child, in her buggy to go home. The Angel mummy that had helped me, walked with us down the high street. Her child was calm, she was flawless. I was in full blotchy, ugly cry, mode and my daughter was still screaming, like something possessed. The mum smiled at me and advised that her oldest child, now 7 years old, used to be just like mine. Several years previous, she had taken her child swimming and another mother would help her religiously, every week, to just get through it.
“If you come back next week, I will be here and I will help you again. I have been there, you are not alone and you won’t be alone. We are all mummys here”
Now that’s how to pay it forward!
I was overwhelmed and happy to hear that. I was humiliated, that I had cried so openly, in front of strangers. I felt weak and a bit stupid. I felt angry, that a precious moment in my child’s development, ended in disaster. The thought of returning the following week, was almost too much to think about.
My daughter’s tantrum lasted just under an hour. We were both exhausted at the end of it. My sister in law was a wonderful support to me, in the hours that followed and encouraged me to keep going.
My daughter needs to do this and part of me needs to do this too. She loved swimming. I was so proud of us both, I need to stay positive. It was lovely to experience, the support and camaraderie, of my little pop-up mummy tribe. If it all falls apart again next week, I know now, I will get through it.
So with her classes booked and confirmed, I am going to be brave.
I still feel nervous, I don’t feel fat. The other mums are lovely. My kid loves it and if she kicks off, I won’t be humiliated.
I will have the support of a Mummy Tribe.