‘Getting your degree after 25, is still an achievement.
Not being married at 30, but still happy is beautiful.
Starting a family after 35, is still possible. Buying a house after 40, is still great.
Don’t let anyone rush you with their timeline’ – Jay Shetty
They say you learn something new everyday. I found out this week, that 2 years ago, I had a geriatric pregnancy.
Geriatric!!!
According to studies, the optimal childbearing age is 20 – 35 years old. Your twenties are considered your prime. Older mothers are currently being thrown under buses, as being selfish, career driven, narcissists, that have put off motherhood; to serve their own professional agenda.
In my head, I hear Will Smith’s voice, when I say “Awww hell no”.
I was 37 when I fell pregnant with my daughter. I had wanted her forever. I most definitely did not, shove her to the back of my thought process so I could climb, some bullshit corporate ladder; to secure a good maternity package!
In my ‘prime’ years, I had a marriage breakdown, debt and no financial stability to comfortably raise a child. I put my dreams on hold, in the hope that later, it would be better.
Selfish? No. Scary? Yes.
As I contemplate having another baby, the pressure is on. The guilt, the worry and now the fear of what people will think. My husband is 4 years younger than me. If I was his age (36) and planning our second child, no one would think anything of it. It’s amazing that women, are now defined, as prime or geriatric and there is no inbetween.
Technically there is a huge amount of inbetween and risks associated with all of it, at every turn. It’s unsettling to know, that we will all battle through our 20s, knowing that only a lucky few will have savings, a mortgage and ‘the one’ by the end of it! Then, that all important, 30th birthday shag that will result in a baby first time! The optimal years don’t care about planning, savings, a home, love or fertility issues. It’s all about egg viability and sperm health!
Am I the only one that feels disillusioned by that? I watched a lot of Disney, granted – but where is the romance? Where is the wistful dream of the happy ever after? Where is the room for mistakes and bumps in the road? I do not remember, Cinderella being being told to get it done by 30! Snow White was not instructed to suck it up, regardless of her situation coz time was a ticking!
We were shown that we could fall in love. We should wait. He or she is out there. Don’t Settle! Marry for love. Be happy. Find a partner. Don’t have a partner. Travel. Make mistakes. Make more of them. Learn. Laugh. Be Kind.
‘Fail Early. Fail Often. Fail Forward.’
How old was Cinderella? How old was Snow White? Did she have a mortgage? A pension? Was she financially solvent? Well? Is she 30 or not? I need to know if her life is a failure or not!
Truth is, no one knows and no one cared. It wasn’t an issue. If we start worrying about our age and time frames, pertaining to optimum egg health – what are we doing? Really? We are living for the opportunity to produce offspring, regardless of our health, heart or situation.
No little girl watches those movies. They were never made. They were never made because no little girl dreamed of that. No woman wants the reality of that. Our lives are as individual as our DNA. If life is what happens to us, when we are busy making other plans – how can any of us, expect our lives to fall neatly into place for timely parenthood.
‘Not everything that counts can be counted and not everything that can be counted counts’. – Albert Einstein
I don’t have the life that I planned. I am not where I thought I would be. I am technically a geriatric mum. I’m practically 40. I’m nowhere close to owning my own home. It’s ok. It’s scary but that’s ok too.
For me there is no line. There is just time. I have to work hard, to stop feeling rushed, by the timelines of others. To stop feeling worthless, by the achievements of my peers. To stop feeling like a failure, in the shadow of a friend’s success.
‘Comparison is the thief of joy’. – Theodore Roosevelt
Achievements, beauty, possibilities and greatness; can all be experienced, found, discovered and enjoyed without expiration. I am constantly reminding myself, to enjoy my journey. The clock is ticking but I don’t need to sit and watch it.