5 Years

Usually anniversaries are occasions to celebrate but I have a tough time with today’s significance.  Today 12th March marks 5 years to the day I was told I had RP (Retinitis Pigmentosa), again. 

This time the diagnosis was accurate and this time, it was going to happen.  The ’it’ being sight loss.  5 years ago I had no idea what the next 12 months would bring and my mind didn’t dare think further.  Would I be completely blind?  Would I be able to look into my daughter’s chocolate-cup eyes for hours on end?  Would I be working?  Would I be anything?

It is hard to be grateful in the face of a diagnosis such as mine but I am.  5 years have passed and I am still independent, still a hands-on mum and working.  I remain firmly in the camp of not looking too far ahead but I know many people that don’t do that for a myriad of different reasons.

I am worried that I currently have a job that I will not be able to continue as things progress and I am concerned that I am not actively preparing for the decline both professionally and personally.  How do you prepare for it?

I celebrated Mother’s Day with my daughter and husband this weekend which was lovely.  It was great to press pause on the daily grind and spend time as a family.  I was spoiled and my little girl’s thoughtful hand-made gifts filled my heart.  I even received a message from my eldest daughter.

Happy Mother’s Day!. Hope you have a lovely day! You deserve it. Thanks for always loving us like we are your own blood. Wouldn’t want any other step mum 🖤🖤

I may have a full plate but receiving messages like this, remind me that regardless of what I have faced and will continue to confront – I always put love and others first. Loving my two step-daughters and continuing to be part of their lives, even after the divorce from their father, is one of many blessings that have come my way.  I am a very proud mum of 3 amazing girls and being a mother is my greatest achievement.

So, to the next 5 years – you scare the crap out of me but I will keep showing up for myself and those that love and depend on me.  Some days I will win, others I will undoubtedly be a hot mess.  I am doing life, carrying a heavy backpack containing borrowed time but I am doing it anyway – who’s with me?