I have had the pleasure of working in a few of these establishments during the course of my career. In the past 10 years they have become an integral part of the office machine. They are staffed by every type of human there is and trained to function as one. Most call centres follow a similar format with bespoke idiocy thrown in for good measure.
Calls are recorded for training and monitoring purposes – As the customer, I don’t care what you do with my call. As the member of staff who will have their recordings played back to them on a monthly or quarterly basis, it’s a different story. First of all, you have to hear yourself talk. I am not a fan. I sound like a posh tosser with a common twang. I also say ‘bear with me’ far too much! One company I worked for took this bullshit power trip…sorry…training opportunity, to new levels. You were scored and given feedback on the following criteria:
- Did you ask 4 DPA (Data Protection Act) questions
- Did you say the customer’s name at least three times during the call.
- Did you progress and / or resolve the issue during the call
- Did you deal with the customer with patience and understanding
- Did you ask the caller if they had any further questions
- Did you appropriately close the call, confirming points discussed and your name for their reference.
I scored pretty well but I was always in the ‘good – 85%’ category ‘ never quite graduating to the ‘excellent – 95%’ category. There are things that my brain just won’t let me do. I refuse to keep using the customer’s name – they know who they are! I never asked if there was anything else I could help them with either. I worked in the insurance industry so the chances are, I did not exactly spread the joy with their first query. I had absolutely no intention of bending over and assuming the position for the second! As for telling them who I was again… nope. If a customer wanted my name, they would usually ask for it. I am not a cocktail waitress!
Working in a call centre, you are usually part of a smaller team within a team. A Team Leader and a Supervisor are allocated to each group. You all sit in rows facing the same way or in banks of 6-8 desks per team. Alongside the call recording aspect there is one final insult – the telephone codes. Codes to clock in, clock off, go to lunch, make a coffee and go to the toilet. The codes for DND, wrap and authorised were only to be used at managers discretion.
- DND – Do not disturb. All incoming calls would be stopped during this period. Allowing you time to actually make some headway in fulfilling the promise you have just made to a customer
- Wrap – A period of 30 – 60 seconds given after a call to complete your notes and allow yourself time to prepare for the next call
- Authorised – This little beauty you had to beg for. You had to make your case to a supervisor and demonstrate that you needed an indeterminate amount of time, following your last call, to sort it.
The call centre floor is buzzing with phones and chatter as you would expect. There are usually several call boards that the staff can look at during the day to check on call status and possible backlogs. Enter Officer Numpty, the office hero, that has to reiterate the status of the calls as per the call board – yeah thanks – we can read – Prick.
It was my recent experience with the Tax Office that reminded me of my call centre past. Remember my Tax Bill? Well my lovely husband got straight on the phone, with his credit card at the ready, to just deal with it. Call – pay – done.
Once he got through the automated system, he was eventually put through to a human. He had to confirm who he was and that he wanted to pay my tax bill. The operative had to then hear the same information from me. I had to confirm my full name, address and National Insurance number and that it was totally fine for my husband to speak on my behalf. This was going so well. 30 minutes later, my dear husband was still on the phone. They did not have the facility to take payment over the phone and needed us to pay via Postal Order or a cheque. What the hell is a Postal Order? My husband and I don’t have cheque books either. To make matters a little more stressful, on passing the call to another department, they had ‘lost’ the authorisation to speak to my husband on my behalf – off we go again. My name, full address and National Insurance number once again confirmed – I left my husband to it. I put our baby down for her nap and stepped into the shower.
Butt naked and covered in soap – I was surprised to see my husband standing in front of me with his mobile phone in hand. He was now speaking to another department and they needed me to confirm who I was and that I was OK with my husband dealing with my tax matters. So I take the phone, confirm my name, full address and National Insurance number and YES PLEASE DEAL WITH MY HUSBAND! THIS IS THE SAME CALL! WE ARE TRYING TO PAY YOU. PAY YOU!
My husband takes the phone containing the latest moron away and I continue with my shower. I should not have lost it. I know the rules and what staff have to do. But in my defense, I was naked. Usually calls taken in the buff are much more fun and sure as shit don’t cost me £220 quid!