When my birthday month began, I honestly felt like I had bitten off more than I could chew. I went through a “Just say yes” period earlier in the year and although that was fun, all of my commitments landed in these 5 weeks.
My biggest obligation was to my parents. They celebrated their 40th Wedding Anniversary this month and wanted to go all out. They organised a wedding vow renewal so they could effectively get married again in front of all their friends and family. It was their chance to celebrate their love and commitment to each other and also, have the wedding they didn’t get to have the first time around.
I volunteered to be their celebrant. I knew in my heart I had to do it for them. I also felt if I didn’t do it, I would regret it. My parents married when I was 4 years old so as the one other person who had been there from the start, it was a no brainer.
The words that became my parents ceremony, flew out of my head and straight on to the page with ease. I’ve never been so ready to speak in public before. Throughout the rather stressful planning process, I became my mums ‘go to’ for everything and the photography also landed on my docket of jobs to do. At no point was I worried because deep down I knew I was the best person for the job. My inner me was always cheering me on and reminding me – “you were meant to do this, you can do this!”
With a little grit, faith and my constant inner monologue reminding me to do things while I still can – I nailed it. It was tough but worth it. I didn’t worry about my words at all. I spent the week leading up to the event, practising how to walk in formal shoes. I missed my effortless flare for wearing heels. Since my injury, any footwear that isn’t trainers, leaves me in pain. I had finally got myself up to 90 minutes and that was going to have to do. On the day, I just kept reminding myself “just breathe and don’t limp!”.
There was a giant magnifying glass on my family that day. Those of us who knew where the cracks were, could see them a mile away but those who didn’t were oblivious. That’s a successful event in itself. My mum looked elegant, my dad looked like a true gent, all the grandchildren were exceptional. My husband and I were very much on duty that day. I had my jobs and he had his. He was in charge of all music and technical. Not bad for a guy waiting for his hearing aids to be fitted!
There were a few awkward conversations, a couple of backhanded compliments and a sprinkle of sarcastic quips, that just couldn’t hold the line; but hey, that’s family right? All in all, it was a jolly good show. The sun shone brightly for them, much like it did 40 years ago. Judging by the photos that I’m still working on for their album, everyone had a great time.
In the days that followed my anxiety went through the roof. My inability to sleep, heart palpitations and panic attacks were daily. I honestly thought I would feel like this before the big event, not after. I was militantly focused on the day. My fractured relationship with my brother was hard, being mocked for the way I organised the photos was a lot and feeling responsible for just about everything was a weight I had underestimated.
The following week I travelled to London, for the first time in years by coach, with a group of friends to see ABBA Voyage. Not being an ABBA fan, I felt like a fraud. I was purely there for the social aspect but I was pleasantly surprised. It was an amazing spectacle. A feast for the eyes! It felt strangely odd to stand and applaud a group of holograms. I had to chuckle when they were late to the stage…surely they just needed plugging in? I have to say though, it was brilliant and my friends and I danced like we definitely needed to get out more!
The following weekend was my birthday. I am now slap bam in the middle of my 40s and somewhere between being shocked to have made it and scared middle age will cause something else to fall off – I’m proud of myself. I managed to spend time with quite a few people, including my oldest friend. We are the same age, were born 24 hours apart and 22 years after our first joint birthday party, we sat down to a lovely lunch in a local Italian restaurant talking about anything and everything. Even though we text and chat often, we found ourselves in the centre of our 4th decade wondering how we got there. Time does indeed go by so very fast – whether you are having fun or not.
After successfully dodging all the infections and bugs going around, my poor little girl became ill the very next day so we rode out the last week of November snuggled together, watching Christmas movies and on a daily regimen of Calpol and Ibuprofen. Mid week we were lucky enough to secure a GP appointment, where they gave my daughter a full work up and deduced that nothing sinister was present, it was just a viral infection.
We greeted the start of Advent with a 40 degree temperature and a hacking cough. I was starting to think it would never end but after 6 long days and nights, I awoke to find my daughter sleeping peacefully beside me with a normal temperature. I have no doubt that her cold and cough will linger for a bit but I felt the relief, of finally seeing the illness lift, in every part of my body.
I ventured out yesterday to run some urgent errands only to find complete Christmas chaos! How long were we indoors? One store, looked like it had been robbed! Normally I’m quite smug and organised by now as I don’t like leaving things until the last minute but 2023 has robbed me of my enthusiasm. My get up and go, has got up and left.