I love how this slogan is thrown around now. Like it’s the only way, people who are struggling or who are dealing with overwhelming situations, will be able to get through it.
Sometimes it does indeed help, granted but not always. Talking is great but our choice of conversation partner needs to be greater.
I always think of Bob Hoskins when someone says ‘it’s good to talk’. His 1990s BT advert is etched on my brain forever. I was an impressionable kid. He will always be Eddie Valiant from Who Framed Roger Rabbit to me.
Sorry, got sidetracked…
This advice also assumes that the particular individual in question, hasn’t spoken to anyone. They haven’t reached out or asked for help. They have not been honest and told another how low they are. How lost they are. How scared and overwhelmed they are. They have not shared with another living soul, that they just feel empty, broken, exhausted or lonely.
What if they have?
In most cases they have. They have summoned all their strength and put their feelings out there. At least once. Maybe a few times. Maybe to several people. We all reach a point where pride goes out the window and we crack. The crack isn’t the problem. That’s human. It’s who you crack in front of that is the key.
What if at your lowest, you decide to talk to the person you happen to be spending that day with. What if it’s a partner, best friend, a stranger or someone who has leaned on you so many times before, you just know that they will have you now.
The problem with being strong, is that you are everyone’s rock. Which is brilliant. Don’t change. Strength like everything else though needs TLC. It’s not a never ending and bottomless supply, that we can all make withdrawals from without the source needing nurture.
What if that person has finally reached the stage where it would feel good to talk. They bare their soul, heart on sleeve. Guard down, they open up only to be called depressing, draining and just another unfortunate sod with a sob story, that should just cheer up! Or ‘You’re so strong you’ll manage. You always do!’.
Who knew being strong could actually backfire.
It’s good to talk. In my experience, it’s also good to keep your mouth firmly shut. There seems to be a fine line between sharing your inner most stuff and being labelled just too depressing. Opening up and reaching out, to being a rather large burden with a never ending string of issues.
I guess like most situations, the trick is balance. Let your crazy out bit by bit, over time. In small measures, in not so equal intervals. Make sure your heartache comes in bite sized form, covered in sugar, with a huge side of humour. If only matters of the heart were delivered in that tiny cute package. If only someone’s tragic story, depression, tough childhood, recent bereavement, hideous diagnosis etc came in a DVD format; that you could just fast forward through the depressing bits…
The person needing and wanting help and support, doesn’t get to fast forward. A real friend would be there, even if the DVD was on pause, repeat, even if the damn thing broke!
Another beautiful human took her own life this month. She did talk. She was the ‘go to’ friend for many people and yet she felt she had no one to go to. Maybe people assumed that as she’s so strong she’ll manage – she didn’t.
We need to do more. Be more. Be better. Check on your loved ones. Check in with your friends. Check on your ‘go to’ people, that always listen and always have advice for you, no matter the hour or situation. Trivial or traumatic, there are people you turn to. Make sure your strong friends know they have the same in return. If you need to learn how to listen, instead of basking in the glory of knowing how to talk – so be it!
It’s 2020. It’s a leap year. In this brand new decade and with this additional day – I’m using this additional time to remind myself and others to give additional time. We all need somebody sometimes.
Don’t skip. Don’t fast forward. Stop, like someone has stopped for you. Maybe no one has ever stopped for you. You know how awful that feels, make sure they never feel that.
Be kind
RIP Caroline Flack
1979 – 2020
I never knew you but I wish you were still here and you knew how much you are loved.