I had so many lovely chats with pregnant women, when I was carrying my daughter. People couldn’t do enough to advise and be friendly. Now I’m a mother to a toddler – it’s a different story. The chit-chat has vanished. The warm knowing looks, from other women, have been relegated to the past
Today was a fine example of how the pissing contest between parents really takes shape. They will be lovely to your kid but won’t even acknowledge you exist. Other mums, who used to be so happy to see you, now look past you with a courtesy eye roll. I have also had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of their unnecessary critique. Apparently some women have zero filter and when faced with an opportunity to put another mum down, they really go for it. I appear to have lost my posse since becoming a mum, so I have no choice but to smile and rise above. Maturity is a bitch.
So what happened? I’m guessing that without my ‘glow’ and sexy waddle, I’m just another face in the crowd. We should still support each other though right?
I dragged my poor husband to a playgroup last week. He was on holiday so I thought he could see, first hand, what the deal is. We attended an 18 months and under class. 10 children and their respective caregivers, sat in a circle with their babies. Behind the toys, jazz hands and nursery rhymes, there was one awkward phenomenon. Apart from three mums, that had obviously come together, no one spoke. I felt so envious of those three mums that were bonding and enjoying the social element of class. Maybe going for coffee after…
This was not my first rodeo so I decided to put my confident on! I sat down and introduced myself to the mum next to me, told her about my daughter and that the bored looking man behind me, was my husband. Ice broken? Cracked more like. The mum smiled and gave me her name and then turned and faced the front waiting for the class to begin. Alrighty then. Awkward!!
I was still proud of myself. Rocking up to a total stranger and instigating a conversation, is something I couldn’t have even imagined a year ago. Go me!
My daughter was the oldest and most energetic child there. She was one of only two toddlers in attendance. The remainder, were cute little babies, laying on their mats looking beautiful. Then there’s my kid…screeching and running around like a lunatic. She didn’t want to take part in the organised activities, she wanted to play Catch Me Mummy! Awesome. The other mums were singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star while I pegged it around the hall like a Nutter. I just wanted to make sure my daughter didn’t tread on another child, or fall flat on her face.
A reprieve came in the form of bubbles, my girl was transfixed. I could finally catch my breath and join the other ladies in the circle. My eyes drifted round the room and opposite me sat a very young mum, alone with her baby. Her child was well-behaved and I was so proud of her for coming to the class. I know that I could not have faced one so early on. She was daydreaming out the window. Not focused on anything. I couldn’t tell if she was bored, tired, overwhelmed, lonely. While everyone sang, she was somewhere else. I wanted to tell her that she was doing a great job and she should be proud. I wanted to be the mum that reached out. That was my next move once the class was over.
We completed the class, packed away and started to head out. I looked around for the Daydreamer, I wanted to make sure she was OK. She was gone. I’m hoping that she was just sleep deprived and really relaxed in the class. I’m hoping her mum, friend or partner was collecting her after. Maybe she was heading to another class or a lunch date with a girlfriend…who knows.
For every mum surrounded by mates, mums and friends from NCT, there is one that slips through the crack and disappears. I hope she is having a great time being a mum and is surrounded by great people. Either way, I wish I had checked in with her. Just to say “hey”