‘Stop accepting people’s misunderstanding as your burden to correct. You keep your peace, & let them keep their ignorance’. – Derrick Jaxn
“Get back in your own life!”
The exact words said to me by a close friend this week.
At present, I am protecting myself. Not putting myself out there to be criticised. Removing myself from social media and privatising my blog. Not chasing anything or anyone. Just respectfully and quietly, bowing out.
I have been hurt, used and betrayed so many times this year. It’s happened and no fucks were given. Rather than cause myself further pain and risking the entire obliteration, of my self esteem – I have done what I do; a spot of ghosting.
I’m still a busy full time mum, run a home and have lots of bustle, going on via mobile phone. At the same time, I feel like I’m watching myself live my life. I am still here but completely detached. I’m the background noise. I can’t be hurt in this capacity, which is great.
That said, I can’t win the game, if I don’t play.
Taking a step back sometimes is good. Healthy even. I just need to make sure that my emotional time out, doesn’t end in full time recluse.
I have temporarily stepped out of my life. So much has changed in it. So many people have left it. I feel like I have stepped off a roller coaster and sat down, on a park bench. I quite like the bench. It’s a comfortable place to sit, during this weird period of reflection.
My head is full of traffic but when someone asks me; “What are you thinking?” I always reach for the simple answer “Nothing”.
So I’m on my bench, looking at the roller coaster. I know I can’t just sit here. I know I need to get back in my life…
Right now, I am enjoying the peace and quiet. Not a big roller coaster fan anyway. Maybe that’s the ticket. Stay at the fairground, just change the ride…