You know when avoiding something becomes so exhausting you are almost forced to face it? Well that was me last month. In the bottom of my rather tatty handbag was a crumpled and barely legible leaflet, reminding me to go to the opticians. It had been stuffed there deep down, where only random wrappers and receipts sit for 18 months. …
Brave
These last few weeks have been a complete blur. My daughter’s school year has started with a bang and all her activities are definitely keeping me on my toes. This year, she is trying her hand at a few extra curricular clubs for the first time: French, singing and dance. These clubs, running alongside normal school days, trips and themed …
5 Stages
Last week was my penultimate counselling session. I have had 10 sessions in total and when my counsellor shows up, she’s actually a great listener. She also sends me informative sheets to read, containing practical exercises for me to work on between appointments. Referred to her only for CBT to tackle health anxiety, it’s been a strange experience. My …
Superhero
Being a mum is one of my favourite things. Actually it is probably the most amazing part of my existence. Becoming a parent has been life changing in every possible way you can imagine. I pictured myself as a mother for many years. I became a step mother in my 20s and a biological mum in my 30s. I wouldn’t …
Can We Talk
March has been a big month for me. Mentally, emotionally and physically. My therapy got off to a rocky start. The first session, where I divulged a great deal about my life and what ultimately led me to seek counselling, was heavy and left me a jittery wreck for days. The night after my session, I just couldn’t sleep at …
The Sleepover
“Hi hon, what’s the chance of me staying over tomorrow night?” Blimey. Getting my mum to visit is like trying to secure an audience with Jennifer Lopez; imagine my surprise when her last visit extended to an overnight arrangement. It was great to see her. My daughter loved having her Nanny around for more than a quick lunch. We did …
Zoom Therapy
Happy 3rd Anniversary RP! You are with me daily, always irritatingly right in front of me. You never take a day off. Your persistence is matched only by your brutal capacity, to mercilessly rob me of my ability to see clearly. You are an arsehole and just in case you were wondering, I didn’t buy you a gift! Had my …
Worry while you wait
This month I finally saw a doctor, in the flesh. I was beginning to think I would see a Unicorn before I ever clapped eyes on a doctor again but the New Year brought me an actual appointment. She was lovely. After telling her all about my issues she agreed to see me. I’ve been struggling with a weak knee, …
Seeing it through to 2022
Trigger Warning – Post contains references to panic attacks and self harming. Happy New Year to you all! How was it? Awesome? The night of all nights? Cocktails on the dance floor? Or was it quiet and cosy? Chilled in front of the TV? Or did you take to your bed before Big Ben chimed in? Whatever happened I …
Back to 1995
Trigger warning. This post contains a lot of medical information and upsetting details. These are all true events and represent my experience and beliefs only. 1995 was the year my health anxiety started. Following my last post I thought I would share a bit more of my personal journey. Sorry if this is a tough read – it’s been a …