As a stay at home mum, I’m often asked, lots of questions about what I do and my future plans. It’s an odd conversation. I’m amazed by what people think. Here we go:
So, are you eventually going to go back to work? (This question often comes with a constipated look of confusion, as to why I’m still at home).
Yes, I will be heading back to work, as soon as it’s financially viable for me to do so. Without any family support, this will be when my government assisted child care kicks in
What do you do all day? Surely she naps right?
No, (smart ass!) she don’t. My daughter requires and desires my full attention all the time. I’m feeding, clothing, cleaning and playing with her all day. I’m also trying to feed and clothe myself, plus keep the house ticking over with washing, basic chores and evening meals.
Does it feel weird not earning money?
Yes. Weird and horrible. I have always worked and paid my own way. I miss the independence of that.
So you basically live off your husbands wages? What’s that like?
Shit! Makes me feel worthless at times but we are a team. He works and I maintain the family. It won’t always be this way but we are embracing the now
Do you feel guilty about spending his money? Do you have to ask him for money?
I don’t feel guilty. My husband always makes sure my account has cash. If he was the stay at home Dad, I would do same. I don’t have to ask for money. It’s there.
Must be so nice to get up when you want?
(Prick!) I get up when my baby gets up. That’s very early, everyday
I would love to slop around in my PJs all day. You are so lucky.
(Yes, ‘coz that’s what we all do isn’t it!) I don’t stay in my pjs all day. I get dressed. It may not be couture but it’s daywear.
Bet you’re able to watch loads of Netflix
Not exactly. It’s more Cbeebies than Game of Thrones in my house
How come it took you so long to lose the weight, surely you have time to work out.
No not really. I could get up an hour before she does but I’m exhausted. I could use her independent play time, to feel the burn but I would rather microwave my cup of tea and eat something.
You’re home all day and you didn’t have time to put the washing out?
(No Mary Fucking Poppins…I didn’t.) My baby doesn’t nap and is not a fan of watching and/or helping mummy do laundry! Sometimes stuff just doesn’t get done.
Being as you are home all day, can you collect/pick up **** for me? It will get you out of the house and give you something to do.
Oh of course. You are too kind. (All I need is some fresh air and more jobs – thanks!!)
Maybe you should have a shower and put your face on. You will feel better no?
Of course. Great idea. Small issue with showering and getting my slap on. My rather agile toddler. She doesn’t like to watch me shower or read quietly in the corner, as I dry my hair. She is not a fan of amusing herself, as I apply my foundation. Slipping into clean clothes and using a face wipe, is about all I can do some days .
People mean well most of the time. They also manage to make you feel like crap, under the heading of – just asking!. Alongside the passive aggressive questions, I get these:
- I would be so bored if I was you
- I don’t know how you do it, I would go mad
- I couldn’t do this, I would need to use my brain
- Your husband must be minted if you can afford to stay at home
Ok here it is. I also get bored some days. Other days I forget to eat. Had those very same types of days, when I worked too.
Madness is not a luxury for the working class. If I feel a touch of nutter coming on, I have a glass of wine or call a friend.
My brain is fully functional and is being utilised daily. I have carried out more research since becoming a mum, than I did when I was at college! Steep learning curve is an understatement.
(Ah yes my Rockafella husband. He slips me cash daily to go get something pretty!) My husband works very hard. 6 days a week. 10 -14 hours a day. Minted no…like most people, we have cut right back and made lots of sacrifices. I don’t live a life of luxury. I have the luxury of being a stay at home mum. Our sacrifices have given me time to raise our daughter. We can’t buy lots of stuff and we have close to zero cash. It’s tough but worth it – every single day.