I have had a very colourful medical past but have never experienced, the full gravitas, of the Ambulance. Unfortunately, since my daughter’s arrival, I have hopped aboard these fine vehicles twice.
Last week my little girl was very poorly. Two GP visits, a 111 call and a 999 ambulance dash, pretty much summarised my week. My princess had a cold, cough and temperature. We were managing those symptoms with over-the-counter medications and GP advice. After 7 days of sleep depravity and worry, my girl played her trump card. Not once but twice in as many hours.
From 9 months old, our little one has on occasion, held her breath when crying. This causes her to faint. She does not do this on purpose. Its as if she gets trapped in her own body, at the start of a cry and can’t get back out. She sometimes turns grey, or has a blue tinge to her lips. She regains consciousness after a few seconds but to a parent, it’s a lifetime.
NHS – Blue Breath-holding
Blue breath-holding spells are the most common type of breath-holding disorder, and often occur during vigorous crying or sobbing that’s triggered by pain, frustration, anger or fear.
The child usually cries vigorously for less than 15 seconds and then becomes silent, their breath held on the outward breath, unable to take an inward breath (inhale). They turn blue – particularly around the lips – and lose consciousness. Milder attacks without loss of consciousness will be familiar to most parents.
The child will become either floppy or stiff and remain unconscious for less than a minute before regaining consciousness and breathing normally again. They may appear tired for a while afterwards. Blue breath-holding spells are caused by an involuntary reflex that’s part of the crying mechanism.
In some children, particularly in toddlers, it’s so intense that they get stuck in an outward breath for so long that they faint. In the pre-school years, some children may have several fainting episodes a week. However, most children will grow out of them by the time they start school.
We know all this information. We have been reassured by doctors before, of her condition. Logic and calm go out the window, when your lifeless child, is lying on the floor. After the second episode – I dialled 999. Within a few minutes, there was a first response unit at my door, shortly followed by 3 paramedics. It was overwhelming and heartbreaking all at once. In the Children’s Assessment unit, they hydrated her and gave her a thorough examination. She still had her ear infections but now had tonsillitis. They were unable to test and investigate the breath holding episodes due to her current infection.
Back at home, my husband and I were numb and exhausted. After she eventually drifted off to sleep, I had a little meltdown of my own. I sobbed at the day, the week, the memory of my daughter face when she stopped breathing. The adrenalin had left me and all my emotions came flooding back.
How do I parent my daughter, when I’m now scared she might cry? Her cry might be the regular kind, or one that leaves me, laying her in the recovery position. I can protect her from hurting herself but the cries of a tantrum, are not my call. I have to teach her right from wrong. As with most children, this process, is accompanied by their frustration and need to assert themselves. Or in layman’s terms…a big old tear-filled strop.
Stripped down, every situation for me, ends the same way. Whether it’s her cry in the night, an early morning wake up, a fall, a fright, a cuddle, a nursery pick up or a Blue Breath holding episode…
It’s her. It’s me. “It’s ok my darling, I’m here”.