I am a huge fan of counselling. For anything that you see fit to discuss with a professional. It’s not weak or weird. It can be very beneficial, cathartic and unfortunately rather expensive.
Government initiatives are trying to make talking to someone about your issues, more accessible. Locally we have a free service available. Here are a few paragraphs from their website:
‘Provides free treatment to people suffering from common mental health problems including depression, anxiety and stress’.
‘The main therapy offered is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which is a talking therapy which looks at thoughts, feelings and behaviours and teaches coping strategies and other ways to manage how you are currently feeling’.
‘many different treatment options available but it is not a counselling service’.
You are referred by your GP and put on a waiting list. You are then offered a telephone assessment. Then further telephone calls, at arranged times, to continue the support. Some individuals are offered face to face sessions, if the telephone support is not sufficient.
I saw my first counsellor as a teenager. It was intimidating to be in a room with her. She was rude, cold and clearly felt I was too young to have any real issues. She advised that if I had surgery, to improve my appearance, most of my problems would be gone. It sounds shocking now but in the mid 90s, that’s all I got.
I tried again in my 20s and met a wonderful woman, who went on to become my counsellor 2 years. We started at my local doctors surgery and once my free sessions were over, I continued to see her privately. The sessions were reasonably priced and I saw her, at her home, one evening a week after work. I had homework, exercises in breathing and relaxation, recommend reading materials and no topic was considered too much.
If you struggle with mental health, you will know that any treatment plan you choose to follow, will need tweaking, topping up or adjusting as you roll with life’s changes. You may need to work on yourself constantly or occasionally, to keep your heart and mind healthy and calm. Practice the tools and exercises you have been given, time and time again. Like diets and fitness plans, your mental health journey is a process. A lifestyle. A commitment.
I was back in counselling again for a third time, in my early 30s; following another health scare and a relationship breakdown. She was amazing. She validated me, made me realise and recognise, my behavioural habits and helped me understand the question we have all asked ourselves…why? I learned so much about myself in those few weeks.
Our time was limited. I was only given 6 sessions. I could have happily seen her, once a week, for the rest of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I am not struggling daily or even monthly but that safe space to talk about my life, my thoughts and the day to day things; that would weigh heavily on my heart, helped me remain positive, upbeat and mentally strong. It was time I had to myself. Time that I could talk openly. Free to be angry, afraid and upset. I was heard. I was supported. I was me and that was ok.
Today we are just so busy with the business of keeping up. Keeping on. Getting through it. We often neglect ourselves and people around us, that may need a shoulder. We have a phone full of numbers but no one to call. Plenty of folk to text but no one to talk to.
I found myself in that position when I tried the local free service 2 years ago. I had an initial assessment over the phone. Then had a telephone session booked in to follow up. I had postnatal depression. I was exhausted. I cried a lot. Felt ignored and insignificant. Felt judged and unsupported. I needed a counsellor. I needed time to talk, in that safe space again. What I received was someone on the other end of the phone, trying to complete a questionnaire on my ‘low mood’. I was rushed. Urged to stay on topic and often felt like an inconvenience, when I was repeatedly interrupted by “can we get back to the questionnaire?”
Over the phone treatment, to a sleep deprived mother, who was still very much ‘on duty’ was always going to be challenging. My daughter was crying. I wasn’t tending to her or managing to stay on topic for my assessment. My first session was over, I was pacing and stressed, desperately trying to settle my baby and process the only advice I was given:
“Try and reduce your caffeine intake”
Thanks.
My second session was arranged and again, trying to talk about my feelings and listening to strategies, I could implement to cope whilst keeping a baby quiet was just not working. I missed my 3rd session and was sent a warning letter about missing the call. I never went back and took this failure, to help myself, to heart and in turn felt worse.
Some people get help. Some people fall through the cracks.
I managed my own post natal depression in the end. Just kept going. Kept pushing through. I got up every day and did the best I could. I asked for help. I reached out. Got very little in return, so stopped. I can’t tell you how I got through it or got to a ‘better place’. It just happened.
Counselling is on my mind as after clearing out my car, I found an old A – Z Street Atlas. I flipped through it and a slip of paper fell out. It was the contact information of my third Counsellor. Seemed funny to be holding her contact details in my hand, at the exact time I could really do with that safe space again. Another health related curveball. Another period of freefall in my life. I would love to be in a room with her again, raking over everything, picking up the broken pieces and creating something new.
That’s what a good counsellor can do. Help you rebuild. Help you understand and make peace with a situation. Help you create something new because after your time with them, you are someone new.
Right now; I really want to be someone else so someone new sounds fantastic.