I may be 40 years old but I am still, about as skilled as a drunk pigeon, when it comes to my make up. I try hard, that’s all I can say.
‘Trends are for the anxious’ – John Maclean
I have the recommended brushes; I can bounce my beauty blender, around my face like a pro. Highlighters, liquid bronzers and even a bloody setting spray…I have it all. Does it work? No. Do I looked blended, filtered, seamless? No.
The black charcoal peels offs, pink clay masks and the pore minimising primers, check, check, check. So why do I still, look like a crusty bagel topped with sand?
Seriously I am at my wits end! I have made my peace (ish), with my appearance but I want to get this right. I’m drinking lots of water, exfoliating, prepping and priming but as soon as make up hits my face, it looks grim. I am considering abandoning make up altogether…well I was; until I had a make-up free Sunday and looked like a raw sausage. My bad made up, is still an improvement, on the treat that is my actual face!
Beauty Gurus are all over the internet. They give hours and hours of tutorials and product reviews. You would think, with all this access to free information, I would be better at my application. Many of these individuals start their tutorials, barefaced and embracing their imperfections. Even the truly beautiful aren’t perfect. However they all manage to create a cosmetic masterpiece, whatever the weather at the end. High Street to luxury, they are blended, concealed and looking airbrushed every single time.
The first tutorial I watched was by Jeffree Star. Beautifully outrageous, loaded and very talented when it comes to cosmetics. James Charles, Wayne Goss, Zoella, John Maclean, Stephanie Lange, Tati Westbrook…there are so many people out there, to watch and learn from. They aren’t all teenagers with flawless skin either. If you can’t face going to a cosmetic counter and getting your makeup done, while Uncle Tom Cobley and all walk by; the internet will save you from that.
I will have to brave it though, as despite my best efforts, I still look awful. All the beauty hacks I have watched, will not make my foundation, stay on my face. Maybe my epidermis just isn’t a fan and just wants to be naked. Whatever the problem is, she needs to fall in line and learn to cover up!
Dry, oily, combination or sensitive skin? I have all of that. I can’t put powder on my face at all, without looking like a floured bap! My pores will not be shrunk or filled, regardless of the products promising that. My rosacea provides me with a permanent blush and a 24/7 red nose, that does not make any financial contributions to Comic Relief!
My poor personality is working itself to the bone, to make up for my cosmetic shortcomings. This year, I am determined to get this sorted. I just need a simple routine, that will make me feel more confident and dare I say it, pretty on the occasional date night. Foundation that will last for more than an hour. Mascara that doesn’t flake. Eyeshadow that doesn’t make me look like a crepey old lady. Lipstick that doesn’t make my teeth look stained. Skin that glows without looking flat, dusty and yellow. This is all sounding like a tall order.
It’s beyond me. Time to put down my damp beauty sponge and ask for help. If someone half my age, can teach me how to get this right, I will be very happy. Some come on kids, show this 40 year old how it’s done!
Please x