My husband and I have been together 5 years; known each other for 10. It’s safe to say, we are comfortable around each other. We have definitely reached the Long Term Relationship status. When I look back on the night’s out, cosy evenings in and overall effort from our early days, the present is markedly different.
The mystique of our habits, routines and rituals, are in a ‘who gives a shit’ pile on the floor. We are so much more relaxed. No pretense. No pressure. We roll with it all – no drama.
Ok, so the cool bit:
- Bathroom door is open, unless a poop is involved
- Makeup, hair products and excessive styling round the house, is minimal/non-existent
- Leggings, tracksuit bottoms and fat pants are common place
- Eating straight from tubs or tins to avoid washing up is totally fine
Uncool:
- Open season on farting. At least my husband still respects the bedroom and our bed, as a no flatulence zone.
- Beard combing, nasal hair trimming and nail clipping, are carried out in full view
- The horrific horror-movie-style, throat clearance every morning. Why!!!!!!
- Pants on the floor, being left to make their own way, to the laundry bin – obviously.
- Full disclosure of bowel habits – just stop!
In amongst all that, there is the increased level of honesty. I am talking brutal:
- Your breath needs attention
- I think you need to floss more
- Your ears need cleaning
- I think I need to pluck your back hair again
- Your beard needs a trim, you look like a wonky wookie.
- You need a shower
I am not in the clear either but my husband is a little more subtle:
- Found your clothes on the bathroom floor, wasn’t sure what was what.
- When is your next bikini wax?
- Don’t put cotton buds or pads down the loo
- How much toilet roll do you use!
- Tampons are out then, that was quick!
My husband will not flinch, at the idea, of buying my feminine hygiene products. I will happily listen, to his list of current ailments, however graphic. We are married. We are a team. Handled well, this relaxed period, is great…
There is such a thing as being too relaxed. We have definitely skimmed that pothole on occasion.
I had to call time on his grotesque habit, of blowing his nose directly into the bath, during a shower. Bypassing the tissues again to evacuate his nose, into the bin as he walked passed, also had to stop. He appears to be rather passionate, about conserving toilet roll but Holy Shit! – That’s just vile. Another grim observation, was the presence of a large screwdriver, placed behind the toilet. I later found out that this tool, was there to remove blockages, as they occurred. I tried to shake that image, as I watched my husband, saunter out of the bathroom. No doubt, lighter on his feet and ready for sex…
Denied!