You don’t know what tired is, until you become a parent! That’s crap…and I’m a parent.
There isn’t an us and them, tiredness comes in many forms. The doctor working back to back shifts. The student holding down a job to pay for their study. The guy with two jobs trying to make ends meet. The commuter that spends 3-4 hours a day, just to get to their 9-5. The list is endless.
Before being a mum, my exhaustion was mocked by other parents. Now I’m a parent myself, it’s infuriating to watch the Nominees for the National Most Knackered Awards. Chances are if you are mentally, emotionally and or physically working hard at something. It’s pretty safe to say, you are perfectly entitled, to be on your chin strap at the end of the week.
Sleeping seems so natural. I love sleep. It’s one of my most favourite things. This is one of the reasons I am confused. My daughter can’t just clock out, at the end of a busy day. I know I could – given the chance
My husband and I are currently sleep training our daughter. We have been building up to some serious night-time routines since April. My thinking was ‘slow and steady wins the race’. I also didn’t want to rush our baby angel. I was hoping that we would have a slow but successful transition, from bedside crib to cot in her own room. I was wrong. So wrong in fact I would love to go back in time, so I could laugh in my own face, maybe give myself a slap.
I know many people who struggled with their kids at bedtime. I know people that hired profession sleep consultants, because they had reached the end of their rope. Then there are people with no issues at all. They have a chilled baby that went from womb to cot, without even a sneeze and slept through the night even when teething. These charmed folk, tend to smile and shrug at the mention of my nightly battles. They spend their evenings having dinner together. Watching movies. Having friends round. Having sex. Well bollocks to you! I don’t mean that obviously. I would not wish over a year of no sleep on anyone. I am just sulking, like an adult.
So, the question is – How do I get my baby to sleep through the night? Enter the buzz words, phrases, hints and tips in no particular order:
Babies need routine
Consistency is key
If you are stressed, they will be too
Have you tried…bath, book, bed
Feed them earlier
Feed them later
Turn all the lights off at bedtime
Use a nightlight
Play/Sing lullaby’s
Play White noise
Put down in cot awake
Put down in cot drowsy
Reassure baby with your voice only
Speak firmly
Don’t speak to your baby
Pick up and comfort them
Don’t pick up your baby
Check temperature and nappy
Don’t change nappy
Leave to cry for 5, 10, 15 minutes
Leave to cry it out
Try sssh pat
Use a pacifier or feed to sleep
Don’t use a pacifier or feed as they will wake for these in the night
Can you see a pattern? The only consistency I can see here, is that people don’t actually know, what the fuck they are doing. Like all parents at one stage or another, we are winging it. Surviving. Getting through. One thing is true – It’s all trial and error. Try a few things. Try them all. Everyones sleep training journey is different. My parent friends have been awesome at giving me their advice. They have all been honest about what they went through and what worked for them.
It’s inevitable that you will have a ‘no-it-all’ parent in your circle. When that complete prick tells you ‘oh you couldn’t possibly have tried everything!’ or ‘you didn’t try hard or for long enough!’. Resist the temptation to backhand slap them RocknRoller style. Just give the training a shot. Take breaks. If you can, share the training sessions with a husband, partner, relative or friend. Hire someone if that works for you and you have the means.
For the record…I have tried everything on that list. Several times. As single options or together as part of a ‘routine’. We still have not cracked it. For every OK evening, we have 5 awful sleep deprived, close-to-tears ones. We just keep going. Safe in the knowledge that we will get there, not any time soon but whoopee doo. Don’t get me wrong, I do have night’s, where I just don’t want to read those bloody bedtime books yet again. Or have the sound of the white noise machine, slowly drilling a whole through my skull. However, running alongside that, is the overwhelming love I feel when I hold my sleeping girl in my arms. Watching her laugh in her sleep. It doesn’t matter that the peace will only last an hour. Or that the moment I tread on a creaky floor board, I am back to square one. This stage is a short one and one that I believe my husband and I will look back on and laugh at
Until then. I will keep the coffee coming and keep sharing. This is my real.