Finally an extended break from work. Time to get your head around being a parent and embrace and enjoy the monumental change that has just occurred in your life. A time to catch up with your friends and family now that you are no longer a slave to your 40-50 hour working week. A time for your parents to rejoice in the grandchild that they have been longing to have. Bye bye rat race you relentless and thankless tosser!
Not quite. In fact not my experience at all. A difficult pregnancy and C Section has definitely been followed by a difficult maternity leave. My husband had just started a new job when our daughter arrived so no holiday or paternity leave was available. I was miles away from friends and family at the time so any kind of support was a considerable commute away. We moved house to be closer to family and friends when our girl was 6 weeks old. Can’t say that’s really changed anything.
I have heard this a million times but never actually thought it would happen to me. You have a family of your own and you are almost instantly discarded by the human race. After the initial excitement of the new arrival, the visits cease and calls and texts stop. You’re on your own. I am still trying to get my head around this phenomenon.
Before having a baby I spent a lot of time visiting other mummy friends as it’s tough to travel with a newborn and their mountain of stuff. I do find it a little odd that most of the time, I am still doing the travelling to see my friends and family. Baby in one hand and mountain in the other.
If I didn’t visit, I would not see any one. I’m always making the first call or writing the first text trying to arrange the next thing. My brother has seen my 10 month old once. My parents have visited my home a total of 3 times in 9 months. It’s not like this in the movies. I don’t think a distance of 20 minutes by car is a deal breaker.
Apparently this is not unfamiliar territory to many new mums. Who join groups and almost have to start over once they have a baby.
At the moment I am definitely on the longest bad date of my life. Always getting the “I’ll call you” or “great to see you, we should do this again soon”. Yeah OK…I will be right here holding my breath.
I didn’t really fancy the mum and baby groups to be honest. I thought I had so much support and experience already built into my existing friends and family network. That turned out to be rather inaccurate.
The other thing to mention is the cash flow. Some ladies are lucky to have a great maternity package with a job, I was not. Some folk get 3-6 months full or half-pay. I was straight to statutory pay after 6 weeks. £139 per week is not funny, it’s actually pretty depressing. At 10 months in I am now getting a grand total of £0 per week. Not bad for currently working the longest hours of my career.
So I may have to brave these groups after all. Some mums love them and have met lifelong friends that have helped them navigate the tricky path of parenthood. Some have run to their car never to return again after being looked down on or judged by other parents. There is only one way to know what camp I will be in.
Will check my diary and see when I can fit one of these groups in. With my hectic social calendar it’s going to be a tight squeeze.