Mama say, Mama Do

When I was pregnant I definitely did not fit the profile of a relaxed earth mother.  I was not a hot mess, I was a neurotic one.  I wanted my pregnancy to be a 9 month holiday from my mental flapping.  Unfortunately my tightly wound brain took the red pill and off down the rabbit hole I went.  

I had several pregnancy books on the go at any one time.  I was a keen member of most pregnancy forums and websites.  This allowed me to check each and every irrational thought whenever I wanted.  Towards the end,  I was getting daily updates, newsletters and guides from just about everyone.   From Babycentre to mumsnet, the trusty old NHS to Boots.  Information overload.

It seems insane now but I swapped my rationale for full on crazy the moment my pregnancy was confirmed.  Here are a few examples of things that drove me to panic:

Pasteurisation

I was a complete lunatic about this.  I second guessed every yoghurt,  salad dressing and dessert.  What about the Greek Yoghurt?  What about the prepacked sandwiches?  Mayonnaise?  I went onto a forum to talk about cravings and got my ass handed to me for having KFC coleslaw and a McDonald’s Milkshake!  There was me thinking about carrots and calcium and this chick was giving me the 411 on the fact I had possibly exposed my unborn child to listeria!  Oh and apparently I could make my own mayonnaise if I really felt the need to eat it – Sod that!

Parabens

I had never even heard of these before.  Now I was finding myself scared to put makeup on because they may contain preservatives that effect fetal growth.  I was already avoiding having my hair coloured and my nails done.  The prospect of going foundation free, as I was slowly expanding into Shamu the Whale,  was almost too much to bear.  I never received my pregnancy glow so I had to paste that little number on my face manually.  

Chemicals and pollution

Anything from kitchen bleach to paint fumes had a scary story attached to it.  Inhaling these products during normal use may cause harm.  There was even a forum thread on the possible dangers of using a microwave while pregnant.  Somewhere in my subconscious, I knew that I was heading for a straight jacket but I was addicted to all of this information.  I was Johnny Five, waddling around screaming ‘input, input’

Caffeine

Limit it or avoid it completely was the most sensible advice.  This was a tough one.  I was working full-time until 3 weeks before delivery.  I was exhausted and chomping on almonds was not going to cut it.  I couldn’t even find decent research that could confirm that I was OK to have fruit tea!  So I had one caffeinated drink per day and every sip meant the world.

I would be the nutcase googling the menu at a restaurant to check what I could safely eat.  I remember crying at my desk because I accidentally swallowed some chewing gum.  I was convinced that my unborn child would then digest it and choke.  I took my husband to the hospital for an X Ray.  I was in the waiting room next door and out of no where – I just lost it.  I made my poor husband seek confirmation from a medical professional that I had not been put at risk!

Needless to say after all that stress, our little bundle of joy was here.  I was going to take the very best care of her.  I had plans… so many plans:

I will not allow TV or screen time of any kind
I will prepare all her food from scratch
I will not give her crisps or biscuits
I will read to her every day
I will endeavor to buy only learning and development toys
I will always take her out to explore her surroundings
I will make sure she forms close bonds with all her relatives

As I used my hairdryer to dry my daughters clothes, I cannot help but laugh at my good intentions.  She was still wearing those clothes I might add.  Oh how the mighty have fallen!

I have the TV on mainly for my sanity but the odd episode of Paw Patrol does complement my viewing now.  Jars and pouch food are amazing and so convenient for the weary mummy.   I only buy the organic stuff, my daughter loves it, so it’s a win win for us.  Who was I kidding?  Cook from scratch indeed!  A small success on the avoidance of crisps and biscuits, I keep her snacks healthy.  Part good parenting, part mummy the sloth.  She cannot eat what I have already inhaled.

I read to her before bed but that’s not exactly rewarding.   She bats the book out of my hand and just wants to eat it.  I guess the joy of reading will come in time.  Her favorite toy is my mobile phone or TV remote.  She has the learning and development toys but they all fail to impress when Mr Galaxy or Mrs Sony are in the room.  The days out and family bonding plans have also been amended.  In a cost saving exersize, we keep days out, rather low-key.  Family time is turning into a once a month affair.   The novelty of my little lass has definitely worn off on my clan.  With the convenience of social media, it would appear,  that adequate Grand-parenting can be achieved successfully via video.

Unfortunately I was not able to learn as much from my mum as I had hoped.   My mum has 2 answers for everything :

1. Just give her a rusk, you were eating biscuits at her age!
2. If all else fails, give her Calpol, she is obviously struggling with something

I have been told by midwives,  health visitors and my husband that I am doing a great job.  Only now, am I starting to believe it.  I have learnt to trust my instincts and even though other people have raised kids – they have not raised mine.  All I will say is, ask for help if you need it but take comfort in the fact that each child is different – so why should each parent be the same.