The magnificent art of pretending everything is good, when in reality, it really isn’t.
Had my ability tested in this area last week. My rather dysfunctional family got together to…well I’m not really sure.
My Mum and Dad, have a very close relationship, with my cousins in Amsterdam. They bonded last year, after the sudden death of my Aunty. They travel to see them. They are in a WhatsApp group together and call each other regularly. In contrast, my brother and I don’t really know our cousins and this was the get together, that was going to change all that. The great meet and greet. The chance for our families to finally connect.
What was supposed to be a family day, became a cup of tea and a slice of cake, before they even landed. Mum and Dad, were putting them up and my house was the chosen venue, to meet up as it was bigger. They arrived late and once pleasantries were exchanged, they spilled out into the garden for family photos. Well a photo of the boys. My brother and my cousin side by side. Strapping lads towering over my tiny Dad, with their unmistakable big smiles.
‘Wow, you can totally see they’re related’.
The photo was circulated instantly on their social media with pride. My Dad was in his element
‘It’s so difficult to get a picture of my son smiling but when he does, it’s just awesome!’
If you were wondering where I was, while they were busying fawning over each other – I was in the kitchen, making the tea. My Dad never spoke to me or even hugged me on arrival. My mum made slightly more effort with;
‘That’s a nice top, is it new?’
No.
After the group photo, my brother made his escape and my parents and cousins gave it another 40 minutes, before running for the door. My brother and his family, were invited to join them for lunch the following day. I was not.
Lunch the next day was then cancelled, as my parents wanted to cook for my cousins alone.
It’s nice to see the relationship my parents have with my cousins. In the another life, it’s probably the relationship, my brother and I should have with them. It took me a couple of days, to shake off the sad feeling of not being included. Then, as all humans do, I just got on with my week.
They all bonded over the death of a loved one last summer. They cried and hugged each other. Talked, shared stories and experiences with each other. That’s real and beautiful. When my brother and I lost a loved one, we were told to not come home. We were left alone. We didn’t have each other or them. I’m sure being left out of the photo, was just an innocent oversight. I’m not the strapping, handsome grin, that towers over my Dad. Not exactly instagram worthy. I don’t have the signature smile, that cements my place in the family. I am just the chick that made tea.
I do make really good tea.