Seems stupid now but that was my exact search criteria on Google this week.
My baby is nearly one and mobile, not graceful, but mobile. I have had several virtual heart attacks already. The crawling, rolling and furniture coasting. It’s a 24/7 operation to keep her safe and me sane. I think my little girl actually thinks her name is No. I wouldn’t blame her. Since gaining some movement skills, all I seem to say to her is:
No, no, no, no, stop, STOP, stop, that’s dangerous, that’s naughty, no, no, no, this way, no!
I fell right off my high horse this week and actually yelled ‘Oi’.
Forget all the toys that we have purchased. The walker, the bouncer, the jumperoo, my little lady just wants to hang off the TV cabinet. On moving her, she clenches her little fists and growls. Once the bawling has subsided and calm has been restored, I place her safely in the middle of the room surrounded by blankets, cushions and soft toys. The TV cabinet must be covered in sugar or something. Off she goes again, back to the mother ship, looking right at me as she shuffles towards the cabinet.
My daughter prefers washing machines, cookers and bookcases to just about anything that Fisher Price, Early Learning Centre or Chad Valley can provide. Visitors find it hilarious, visitors get to leave. She never wants to do anything normal, she just wants to do something that will result in injury.
The only time she is chilled is when she is being pushed around in her buggy. As a lady of rather limited means, I am reduced to the odd coffee shop or park – that is free. I miss work… I think I have already mentioned that.
So I need to baby proof my home. Obviously we have already moved everything. Put magnet locks on all drawers and cupboards but we need to do so much more. I need to put foam edging around everything especially as she tends to use her head as a brake. I wanted to buy some soft play shapes that she can climb over, until I saw the price. Two shapes cost £100! Imagine the amount of Bubble Wrap I could get for that!
Her cot is another nightmare. I am a sucker for research and following rules so I didn’t buy cot bumpers due to the warnings and possible dangers. But in play, sleep and temper my little cherub bumps her head, back and legs on the cot bars. Stressed!
Enter the delightful words of wisdom received for all this anxiety:
- She’s just being a normal baby (Great, good to know)
- It’s just a phase (comforting)
- It’s all part of her learning (what? Concussion?)
During my latest check up with my Health Visitor, they had no concerns with my little girl, she is progressing as normal. They feel that I am rather tightly wound however and need a break. Will get right on that! Will get one of my many ready and willing family members to babysit so I can go to that little park that is free down the road. With no child or buggy, I am just going to look like a weirdo walking round the park. Not even sure my post pregnancy ass can fit in the swings. I can feel the stress melting away just thinking about it!
I have researched some strange stuff in my time but another weird query is going to be added to that list tomorrow. My Poor GP is going to get this little gem:
I am thinking of getting my baby an infant safety helmet, thoughts?.
I love my GP, she will think I have completely fallen off my rocker but I know she can cope with my level of nuts.
My name is CustardCreamAddict and I am a batshit crazy mummy. Tightly wound you say?
No argument here!