During a long awaited lunch with a girlfriend, we chatted non stop about our lives, it had been months since we had seen each other so there was much ground to cover. The latest gossip from work and home, recent conversations with our significant others and life in general. Her birthday was looming and she listed the current plans she had in place. It all seemed to be in order; meet ups and weekends away were all on the docket. My friend is very lucky. She has work friends, hobby friends, pub friends and her best friends and as I listened intently to her day to day, it dawned on me; these other groups are prioritised monthly, in some cases weekly. I’m not talking texts, I’m talking actually physically leaving the house, going out and laying eyes on them.
How marvellous!
The conversation was easy and breezy but I couldn’t bury my next question any longer so I went for it. “Why has it taken so long for us to make time and catch up?”. My question was answered without hesitation, “Oh ya know, it’s just life”.
Interesting.
I smiled and we both moved on. I found the whole thing rather amusing. Like slipping into your most comfortable jeans, I felt myself completely relax. Back in the day, I would have spiralled on that for days. Irritated by the fact I appear to be part of the optional team and not the priority one but I didn’t feel like that at all. I felt as calm as a cucumber!
In the weeks that followed, we didn’t have much contact and knowing I wouldn’t see her for her big day, I mailed her card in a timely fashion. We did go out for dinner a few days after, my treat and it was lovely. I put zero pressure on myself to put together an impressive gift. I had done this on many occasions previously with others and it had been met with a tepid response at best.
I used to try so hard to be the perfect friend to everyone. To be there, be available, be ready to listen, fix and solve. Always thinking of how to be better. Maybe if I did more of this, or less of that, I would make the priority list? The truth is, you don’t make the priority list, you are either on it or you’re not.
I’m usually the person that gets the sporadic “I’m sorry I’m so crap” text, followed by all the excuses they don’t give anyone else as to why they have been MIA. I never understand the “Why didn’t you tell me?” messages either and the feign offence texts that follow, when I have not divulged something pressing. Erm, we don’t see each other for months and sometimes years and there are times when my messages can be sat unread for weeks so I just crack on with it.
Don’t we all?
People are strange. I know there is a lid for every pot but some folk baffle me. Maybe there is a certain formula for maintaining relationships beyond text in today’s world that I’m not familiar with. Is this the norm for friendships beyond 40? Not having the financial means to frequent pubs, restaurants and gyms on a regular basis is a factor. Not driving is another. Not being able to get places solo after 6pm due to lack of transport and vision also contributes. In truth, I have dropped off many peoples radar in recent years and my reduced independence, makes me feel so awkward asserting myself into situations, devil may care.
Let’s go out! Lets go here. Let’s do this . Oh and by the way, I know this was all my idea and everything but I cannot actually get there so can you take me? – Cringe!
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not sad or unhappy. I am just looking out, standing on the beach watching the tide of endless change come in. I’m watching it all unfold like it was a TV show. If it was a TV show I think it should be called ‘It’s just life’.