Several people have asked me, how I am recently. My response has been the same;
“I’m feeling very January”.
January blues are a thing. The buzz of a new year with new possibilities, is very much in the background, to my foggy and rather ‘meh’ foreground.
‘Don’t spend a lot of time imagining the worst-case scenario. It rarely goes down as you imagine it will, and if by some fluke it does, you will have lived it twice’ – Michael J Fox
I stumbled on this quote last year and love it. It is so apt for my life but trying to live this way is hard and a constant battle against my natural tendency to awfulize things.
Although I usually try to remain a positive person, I am struggling with my thoughts of future doom and gloom. I normally overthink my past actions, past relationships and past situations so that would explain my present day vacancy. I’m simply not there. I’m either raking over the broken pieces of the past or racing ahead assuming the worst for the future.
‘If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, you’re pissing all over today’. – Michael J Fox
I guess that’s why people are asking if I’m ok, because I’m just looking rather blank.
January falls right in the centre of the time period, occupied by Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is also home to Blue Monday, the third Monday of the year. Dubbed the most depressing month of the year, January has a lot to answer for. Post Christmas lull, financials not looking as healthy as they should and much like my waistband; everything just feels tight and uncomfortable.
Dry January. That was a hard pass. I was never in any danger of completing that! This month needed a drop of wine at the very least. I can confess that there have been several drops in my glass, over the last couple of weeks.
Veganuary. Well, that’s also a no. I have played with the idea and have made a few adjustments here and there regarding my consumption of animal products but going full vegan? Not today!
So in conclusion, January has been one tough beast to grapple with. The biggest battle I am facing at the moment, is the one I’m having with myself. If it’s true that you get what you focus on, I need to make some changes. Negativity is all I’m seeing right now and low and behold, its all I am getting. As I sit here, eating and drinking my feelings, I want February to bring about a change.
It’s a change only I can make and I’m hoping the month of love, the month of my wedding anniversary, the month that signals that Winter is coming to an end and that Spring will soon be here; will be that catalyst for change.
With a glass of wine in hand, listening to Teddy Pendegrass singing about another Love TKO; I am feeling that February will turn my mind around.