Anyone who has worked in an office whether physical or virtual knows a corporate speaker.
They are the irritating buzz word enthusiasts that love a good brainstorming session. They will be the ones running an idea up the flagpole and wanting that quiet moment to touch base. Oh Sod off!
Having spent the last 20 years in an office environment I have heard it all. I still remember when I first heard the phrase ‘Blue Sky Thinking’. I was not the only one in that meeting room thinking ‘Say what?’. Seriously, if you want creative ideas and to try something never attempted before – just say that!
Unfortunately I have been sucked into the vortex of office waffle on occasion. When explaining company procedures to a customer one has to be transparent and avoid jargon. When looking for ways to improve the running of a department, one has to think outside the box.
My personal favourite that I used often was radar. I was always checking with someone that a particular issue was on their radar. In situ that is perfectly fine. Writing about it now I can’t help but think I sounded like a little bit of a prick.
I know that I am not alone. Whether you are a trailblazer in this cultural phenomenon or a dedicated follower, we are all affected by it. I don’t need to take this discussion off-line and privately ascertain that we are all singing from the same hymn sheet.
There are four types of people in the office:
- Buzz Word Enthusiast
- Deputy Office Waffler (me)
- Old School Plain Talker
- Dedicated Day Dreamer
Whether you’re popular, introvert, inclined to gossip, stir trouble or just do your job and go home. You will likely fall into one of the above categories too.
Despite being in the deputy category, I always wanted to be in the Dedicated Day Dreamer team. They rocked up, did their job, avoided the office politics and were safe in the knowledge that their life was what was happening outside the office four walls.
I am now taking a break from the 9 – 5 life but still can’t escape this buzz word culture. My husband and his entire family are so corporate. Even at a family gathering they make it feel like a business meeting going through an agenda point by point.
My darling husband is always making delightful energy and cost saving suggestions around the home. Each wonderful idea hits the ground running with ‘Going forward I think we need to…’ or ‘I would like to encourage you to consider…’. He loves to process his emails (read them) and diarise our daughters meltdowns and don’t get me started on his digitised task list!
I made a cooked breakfast last week. I added baked beans to both our plates and set the table. My husband took one look at his plate, obviously wanting more beans so out of his android face comes ‘does this conclude the baked beans?’.
I was going to meet up with his sister a while back. She needed to check her diary as she was not sure of her capacity that week. Dear God!
One upside to this whole situation is that I am moving a step closer to the Dedicated Day Dreamer team. I turn up, let them crack on with their meeting-like lunches. Avoid the politics and chill in the knowledge that my awesome life is outside of this very corporate situation.
I am a human, you are a human. So let’s drill down into the detail of how we are going to effectively minimise this corporate claptrap. Let’s conceptualise a plan and cascade this instruction down to our fellow life forms. I will expect 110% from each of you. Going forward, we need to be working towards full transparency in our communications. Let’s get all our ducks in a row and touch base on this issue again soon.